lingo of my inner voice
Monday, February 28, 2005
silence says/means many things but still makes no sensesilence can be heard in two ways, either you have hearing disability or at any specified moment, nothing exists that can be heard by your ears. silence is a phenomena which appears when everything seems to cease its motion briefly everything stops. it creates such a vacuum that many weird ideas rush into your mind to fill this emptiness. in this wacky doo state, you feel more than required, you see all that is not present. hence, this silence stops your mind to work or if said more appropriately your mind starts working in some wicked way. your imagination and insecurities take charge of the stage and believe me you can have the creepiest experience which can be a pot pourri of fears originating from different insignificant sounds and sights whose existence is always questionable. there were plenty of such experiences in my kitty the previous night.
PS: oscar won by Jamie Fox was well-deserved.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
SRK rocksShahrukh Khan won another filmfare, not one but two filmfares which includes this year's power award judged on both popularity and potential. i am so happieee. i am his biggie time fan. Rani also bagged 2 awards. i am sure next year she will win another for BLACK. other winners were also very deserving. loved it.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
under a grey coversometimes this fact that how every person has his own distinct style of laughing, amazes me down the toe. some laughs are so inane that i can't even tolerate 'em, they irritate me and then evokes anger out of me. some people are so uniquely hilarious that their laugh becomes contagious, i possess one such too =p. some people stand in between these odds and their laughs disappear in this unknown vacuum.
but still there lie - many folds under this laugh - so many fears. fears is a reflection of your personality but a false one. it makes you the sculpture which ain't potrays your favorite pose, it makes you a painting having blurred lines filled with painful sundry colors, it gives your life and personality a 180 degree turn stopping you from doing what you want to do, it snatches your identity from you - making you what you ain't are and most importantly it makes you a man without smile and believe me it creates that emptiness which none can cherish.
Friday, February 25, 2005
hey grand finale is not over yet... after all its grand yaar. Abhijeet rocked today's Indian Idol Mahayudh. He is complete package: nice looks, cute smile, unmatched persona and magnificient singing. Now his winning chances has increased, Yaay!
i am planning to start, actually i have started an anti-star plus movement as what these people show is complete garbage. I can't tolerate all this 24/7 rona dhona, baseless stories having weak screen plays and illogical twists. According to the latest updates Tulsi is in jail(ofcourse in kyunki), if i get chance, i will throw all those others like kum kum, kksuum, prenaa who are really "PAKAO "(extremely boring) in jail. All those programmes starting with letter K should be banned and should be sued for making my life so miserable.
according to my knowledge or say assumptions, i have been *cursed* by mother-nap. I have been experiencing a barrier (from past few weeks) to have my share of forty winks. Its really hard to remain sane, when you can't close your eyes for sleep at night, and by the time every one wakes up, you are ready for your abnormal slumber. And if, by chance you went for an early peaceful sleep then those mosquitos and their noises will never let you enjoy the peace -bet ya-, and the curse re-activates.. Isn't this strange? more appropriately, again it is a curse.
Indian Idol Update:-
-Over all the grand finale was a complete disappointment, no ambience, same sets, less excitement and okay performances. It was like every other episode. I hope Abhijeet stills wins... Amit Sana was really good but still Abhi is the best. Campaigning will surely help. I can't wait for the decision till 5th March. It is long, long and very long time to vote; can't predict what will happen. Best of Luck ABHI!!!
Thursday, February 24, 2005
1 1/2 hour left for INDIAN IDOL final gala episode.... I hope Abhijeet gives his best shot to win. He is most likely to win but you can't guess as Amit Sana is also very good. I can't wait till the show goes on air. Time is not passing by easily.
Listening To: My Indian Idol Collection
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
travelling can be fun in only two ways.. if you are on picnic, then all the singing and tafrees can make it a fun trip but if you are on your usual business then there could be only one thing which can come to your rescue in boredom. Yes it is a good book. Nothing can be better than reading a good book in a bus with some noises in background.
Beware: Read Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus only if you like boring books or you are thinking for a divorce. This shows how boring it is to read such a lousy book. Remember reading can't always be a fun thing.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Extract from the interview with Deepak Chopra - The New Age of PeaceLet's talk about a real-life example. No matter what one thinks of the war in Iraq, most people would consider the recent election there a good thing. Is there a way this could have been achieved peacefully?
There are many things here that are very important to address. One is: Does the means justify the end? We read every day in the newspaper about how many Americans have died, but have you ever heard an estimate of Iraqi deaths in our media? The answer is ‘No.' And that's a shame, absolutely. If you go to the Internet and find estimates that in some cases—for example from The Lancet, which is a reputable medical journal in Britain, over 100 years old, estimates go to about 100,000 Iraqi deaths. Does our claiming success in an election justify the sacrifice of all these people?
The second point is that if we as a nation are so interested in democracy and say that elections are a good thing, then why don't we do that in Pakistan? And the reason we don't do that in Pakistan—we know that public opinion is so against the dictator over there—is because the dictator over there follows our instructions. He does what we tell him to. So in our own self-interest, we don't want elections in Pakistan. Self-interest always overshadows and overwhelms our desire, or rather, our so-called desire [for democracy]—it's total hypocrisy.
One of the obstacles toward peace you refer to is the uneven distribution of wealth. You point out that 5% of the world's population uses one third of the world's resources. It seems to me the New Age movement is based in this 5%. How do you motivate "the richest and most comfortable people in the world" to make a personal transformation toward peace?
I think it will start with self-interest. Right now, the way technology is moving, weapons of mass destruction can be miniaturized and made inexpensively. And that will render the military irrelevant. You could be sitting somewhere, in a remote part of the world with a computer and shifting electrons to basically destroy a city by cutting off its electricity and poisoning the food chain and interfering with the water supply and air traffic signals.
So if we understand that there's no way to fight stateless terrorism, then we might start to spend some significant amount of energy and effort and resources in understanding human behavior, in making friends, in understanding other people and cultures, in understanding that economic factors or disparities in social justice are all part of this tangled hierarchy. If we do that, then we could hope for a more secure and safe world. Right now, we have a myth of security and that myth says that security measures: nuclear shields, anthrax vaccines, and military make us secure. But we have all of that and we're still very insecure. In fact, the more we have, the more insecure we become.
For more visit: http://www.beliefnet.com/story/160/story_16071_1.html
My Opinion: Here its not important that elections should be held in Pakistan or not. Mr. President has proved himself worthy of the post to a great extent. You can't judge the theme; by only reading half of the story. The malicious issue is of hypocrisy done by nations to fulfill their own needs and desires in order to develop and sustain their powers. I agree, all nations should devote maximum energy and resources in future long-term developments like education, economic stability, technology, arts etc. How true he is when he says: the more we have, the more insecure we become.
random thought 1: it took me whole day to find and then download the correct soundtrack of BLACK comprising of only 1:44:04 =s
random thought 2: it was fun watching the bestest Shahrukh, lovely Preity, sensational Saif and adorable Rani together in one show Temptations. Shahrukh Khan, nothin betta than it. Others were also too guddy gud.
random thought 3: i don't find it cold tonight but why?
random thought 4: i want to make a short film. HOW is the main question.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
The Cold WithinSix humans trapped by happenstance, in bleack and bitter cold,
Each one possessed a stick of wood, or so the story's told.
Their dying fire in need of logs, the first man held his back,
For the faces 'round the fire, he noticed one was black.
The next man looking 'cross the way saw one not of his church,
And couldn't bring himself to give the fire his stick of birch.
The third one sat in tattered clothes; he gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use to warm the idle rich.
The rich man just sat back and thought of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned from the lazy, shiftless poor.
The black man's face bespoke revenge as the fire passed from sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood was a chance to spite the white.
The last man of this forlorn group did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave was how he played the game.
Their logs held tight in death's still hand was proof of human sin,
They didn't die from the cold without-they died from the cold within.
-unknown
....truely inspiring poem, had enuff substance to captivate me.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
hidden truth is always untoldWe Pakistanis are very much confused as a nation. Enriched with a mesmerizing culture and glorious values but still very confused. We don't respect rules, half of the time we are faking it out, trying to be western but in every negative way by comprising on our values and culture, no sense of direction, united but in groups with trivial difference which are yet to be resolved, we termed ourselves to be free but still are our own slaves - it was a long sentence indeed eeeww! The problem is that we think less, talk and feel a lot. Every opportunity to develop is followed by religious dilemmas. We don't think about religion and religious issues in a liberal sense, we consider it to be rigid for unnecessary stability of power and cruelty inforced by some special people. Unfortunately we have such freedom that I can't even explain what those SPECIAL PEOPLE are, because I am afraid of being God forbid kidnapped or else slaughtered. Religion becomes a hindrance for us in our every step. On the contrary, most of us behave like Muslims for an hour(after the iftar) and maybe ONLY in some important days. Is religion only bounded to some days? Is religion is so rigid that it can't be interpreted according to time? Is freedom is only limited to our breaths? Is freedom is more important than survival of other's breaths?... there are many such questions but their answers are still untold. May be because we don't have enough guts, enough sense and enough liberty to talk or even to think about them.
sorry, if i have hurted somebody but do not forget many of us are still in the state of oblivion.
Friday, February 18, 2005
can i borrow ur capI had an extremely bad hair day today, i can't even explain what happened to my hair. I follow a side-parted hairdo but today it was something like fusion of my orginal style with some spikes springing up from nowhere. Inshort it was a complete mess. I was helpless, none had the power to make them sraight. Even these strong winds proved themselves to be a failure. My dear God, why you did this to me? I was so embarassed. I felt like tearing up the floor and diving inside it, everytime somebody said "Raheel, tumhare baal uper ajeeb se kharey hogaye hain" :s
i will drink some pepsi and coffee, will eat my dinner then some chips, biscuit and chocolate, u know why... bcoz its very very very very and more veri cold tonite. presently, i m trapped inside a sweater.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
running away from my planning syndromeWhy the hell m I so choosy? I always find decision-making so damn difficult whether its about choosing a small card, a bouquet, a gift or my formal but cool shirts. It goes like this: First I select some good pieces then I make little eliminations then with the rest, I just keep on deciding - should I take this one or that one? And after (sometimes during) this absurd elimination and selection process, the shopkeepers become so very angry and irritated. Obviously about then I m completely embarrassed and more confused.
And when its about crucial things then it becomes extremely tough for me. Just tell me, how a person like me can judge what will happen in those 5 - 10 yrs? How can any person plan his life n woh bhi effectively? Sometimes there are only two ways where u can head, otherwise there exist many multiple options and you can take only one freaking decision, which has to be right inspite of being influenced by alot of other pressures. Like I always say, life is such a rich cruel thing. Now the ultimate question is why can't we use part of our mind and most of our wisdom in other productive things excluding this planning syndrome?
Feeling like: Do I exist?
i have a history exam in evening. God help! keep praying.
Teaching becomes tough when u r trying to proceed with the topic but one student deliberately asks destructive questions one after another. He has such bloody influence that the whole bunch of boys tries to irritate you and with this parcel, there is a gal in the backbench laughing in your every single class. The only way to calm this whole thing up is either by painting urself in their color and satisfy them in their way or you can just go on insulting them. I prefer the first one. Ahan I am excelling the art of controlling these brats.
After handling such not nerd like students, my mind was completely freezed up. I came home, also brought a headache and switched my idiot box ON. What I see is the movie that has the most special place in my heart so i watched it once again. I don't know why my eyes get filled with tears everytime i see Michelle and her story. By now, you should have guessed its name, yeah I m talking about BLACK. A heart-wrenching story of a blind-deaf gal who has her own ambitions - to fulfill the dream of her teacher. Her relationship with her teacher and how she wants to bring light in her and her teacher's life. Of course Black has its own power, its the color of achievement, knowledge and graduation robe. A strong screenplay, brilliant performances which look more real than authentic, aesthetically sound frames and extra ordinary background sound score makes this movie must to watch. Every frame proves that 'God lies in details'. This film is made to touch the hearts of the audience in the most astonishing way thats why i came, i saw and i cried watching BLACK. Hands off to the whole crew, especially director 'Sanjay Leela Bhansali'. Rani and Amitabh are at their best but the child who has portrayed the childhood of Rani is just out of the world. Her expression are so real, she is the hero of the film. She will surely be the most sought-after actress in future. There is so much to learn from this movie.
Monday, February 14, 2005
american cupids attacking the iraqisToday its valentine's day.. love brings an fresh air having a mix smell of red roses, burning candles, sweet champagne having diamonds(i will prefer some hot coffee), good dinner and wooohh chocolata!!! music n couple dancing happening everywhere. love-notes and valentine cards are on fire, u can feel the heat.. seems so romantic naa! like us leos. restaurants are doin gud business for sure man. and did u notice, i m wearing a red shirt as RED is the ultimate color for this day.
Mother - a feminine manifestation of love. Love that is name of sacrifice for her when she doesn't eat something so her child (18 yr. old grown-up) can enjoy eating it. Love, which shapes up as hope when she wants her son to be best and succeed. Love moulds into her pride when her darling walks up to the rostrum and gets an award. Love which turns into aggression so she can fight for his son’s survival, fetching for him his well-deserved recognition. Love becomes support and guidance, ever ready to be given whether he wants it or not J. Her love can be illustrated as a hug, as a pat on her back, or may it be a compliment or simply, magical and soothing “Love”.
My mom – a part of me, she is part of my life – most appropriately – she is my life. She is so very important I live through her breaths. I am her reflection, ambition, hope and faith and she is my mirror. Her love is unconditional, priceless and precious. Thank you my dear God for giving me my own self, my valentine: My Dearest Darling Mommy.Listening: Bulla ki jana mein kon by RABBI SHERGILL, its betta than junoon.. this track sometimes makes me happy, sometimes sad, it has a punch that i can neva forget.
Reading: Man are from Mars and Women are from Venus by JOHN GRAY, late but an excellent start for valentine's day.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
passing by my time-lineYesterday, I didn't have time to write a post. Honestly speaking, i just forget that i also have a blog.
Juggling through dilemmas, heart-breaks, loadz of tension and frustration on one hand and happiness of excellent attempt of Arabic exam on the other-
I just wanted to say that my exam went rocking superb and InshAllah I hope I get an A+ grade.
Always Remember,
Success and Failure can exist in a same time-line.
Friday, February 11, 2005
i wanna cry... i will bring some floodindian idol.. vote out episode, one more gud singer Prajakta Shukre said goodbyes to other great singers and her lovers. One left, now three remains; Abhijeet has to win. i always get afraid from thunders and today its inside-out. i don't know y 11-feb-05 has proved to be a disasterous day for me - i am disappointed, hurt and torn apart. i hope new day brings some hope and happiness but can't ignore the reality everything is looking gloomy. i am tired- raheel needs rest.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
P = past-and-presentPast never fades away, it floats with the present. Have you ever asked yourself a question such as why do some ppl have such behaviors or attitudes? or why do u have certains phobias? or why do u have particular interests? or why anything comes in your way to restrict u from doing something?
i m sharing you one such incident whose effect flowed with me for many years. Once i was left at the bus stop when i was probably aged 7-8 yrs. I was so terrified that i started shouting and then was boarded on the bus. After such horrible experience it took me around 6 - 7 yrs to feel safe enough to travel in a bus.
Most of people have absurd emotions (call it behaviors) of anger, fear, depression, pessimision etc etc, thats also because of some past experience or some psychological disturbance.Past is part and parcel of Today, and if you still dont break that block of ice now, then its already too late to say adieuz.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
i watched BLACK today, the movie is about a blind and deaf gal directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali. I should say it is the most intellectual and asthetic film that i have ever saw. This film really deserves an Oscar. Do watch it! I don't want to write wat it was all about and wat i liked about it coz it will ruin your cinegoer experience. Good plot, enthusiastic feel and excellent execution - these are the things (about it) that i want to say at this moment.... asthetics of the film are also out of the world. Everything is in good flow.
i also want to make a short film, so many raw concepts jumping at all corners of my mind. some are depressing and some have made themselves depressed. i have no good equiptment and also not a budget to start with something, no experience and no crew as well. the only thing i am equipped with are some ideas having strong substance, philosophy and ofcourse asthetics too.
Monday, February 07, 2005
sona chahta hooni can't sleep in a dark quiet room. i dont know y. wat have happened to me? i want some noise of my idiot box(TV) and not so dim light to go in state of oblivion. mein lambi neend sona chahta hoon.
always remember history of about 50 - 100 yrs can't be learned or understood in a short period of 3-4 hours. duh!! this happened to me toda.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
one cup coffee and 1 1/2 bar of chocolate - my daily dose of caffeine. m i getting addicted to it?, the answer might come as positive. i know it is not good for me, i have to either leave it or regret to leave it. tsk! its one and same thing. i will take it once in a two week or so, may be lesser than it.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
vanity to the extremeat this moment of time, i am completely freaked out.. want some distraction, so wanna write some more but wat shud i write?. Intellectual Vanity, i wanted to write about it from quite some time. A concept which is very blur in minds of the most.
Intellectual Vanity, a noun phrase from which we usually take meaning of one being proud of his/her intelligence but its about something even more than pride. it illustrates the concept which has convincing depth. INTELLECTUAL VANITY is about search instead of re-search. With the term search, creator is associated but sorry to say we tend to do things in wrong direction by searching for things. God has already created everything for us, now its upon us to research or rediscover it. We should not forget about the difference between creator and creature. it may look like something conservative but believe me its not. Its about using your intellect according to modern ways and needs but by keeping the difference in mind. You can color outside the lines but not at the cost of your values. Science is doing the same, it is rediscovering God's universe but to state cloning or any other thing as PRODUCT MADE BY HUMANS ON EARTH is a big moral and intellectual blunder.
Praying has a divine power.. seriously, it makes u pure and free. You feel that God was, is and will always be with you in all the three tenses. When u remember him, HE takes all of your burdens, tensions and insecurities from ya. You can feel HIS hand giving blessings upon you. HE is the greatest.
Its now clearance time in a few days or a week - life or death situation, tension and blood pressures are getting high, i am feeling really afraid. May be because first, results are not transparent and secondly, previous sections had some unexpectable experiences in it. My friend umer got through i m so happy for him and this makes more chances for me to pass as we do the same hard work and have mashallah se same sort of IQ, have answered in a similar way too. I need plenty of your sincere prayers. I hope i get through this but God forbid if i didn't then the question is wat will happen to me?
guess so plz remember me in your prayers. God always listen.
quote: "Who said you can't colour outside the lines?"
Friday, February 04, 2005
finally ravinder ravi is voted out!! looking forward to tomorrow's charity show for tsunami's survivors, aditi will also sing... sigh! kyun nikal diya bichari ko indian idol se
Thursday, February 03, 2005
watched indian idol.. felt something missing... missed ADITI.. i want her back... she is my INDIAN IDOL.
Resham, one of the actresses of the lame and lousy lollywood- inshort paki film industry. I was watching a program named KATEHRA on AryOne World. There was Resham who was trying to justify the accusations held by Moin Akhter on her. That was really funny as we can get the highest degree of lousiness from Resham and all those finger-pointing of Moin.
Some of the lamest things which Resham said:
* Syed Noor ne muje break diya aur phir maar daala... unho ne mujhe damage kardiya
* Allah ye kis-ney keh diya aap se (she was irritated)
* Actress apne aap ko number one kehti hai, jiski movie hit us hafte woh number one, kabhi mein no.1 aur doosra zero.. mujhe pata hai aisi actress(o) ke baare mein jo larayian karti rehti hai
* cha-raac-ter ko audh lo aur pehan lo
* bhai jee, mujhe apna kitchen bhi chalana hai (lmao)
* mein set per itni beemar hogayi, mera BP itna low hogaya ke maine doosri actress(o) ko kaha ke MUJHE APNA KHANA DEDO WARNA MERI DEEATH HOJAYE GI (even more lmao)
* mein itni nazook si larki kia kisi ko maaroon gi (duh!)
* Silver screen jahan mein kaam karahi hoon, showbiz ka end hai(yes.. dead end, no way out)
* creeeetically..(was supposed to say critically)
* meri english bhi achi hai, aur aap kia samjhte hain mein shahrukh ki tarah eng nahi bol sakti, meri puri speech ki practice eng mein thi zee cine awards mein lekin maine ain moment per urdu bol, (moin said.. shaid isliye ke aap bhul gayeen thi), nahin jee meri ma-mory(memory) bhi bohat achi hai
* mujhe lagta hai mujhe toh ab tak kaam karna aya hi nahi (very true..)
conclusion:-
* resham=lame
* self-praising parrot
* has very bad paindoo-ish english
* how can she dare to say anything negative about Shahrukh Khan?
* why am i writing this shit stuff?
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
quote: "Change is a thing that can never be changed"
LOVE... a feeling which melts my heart, smells even better than my darling coffee. Watched veerzaara today. it again made me realize that true love is eternal. Love makes me fly like a bird and still keeps grounded. I haven't fallen in it yet, but the feeling is still great. Love has no boundaries, no expectations, love is everything still wants nothing but you are ready to give it anything. yehi hai kkavyanjali ka pyar.. yehi hai veerzaara ka pyar.. yehi hai rahulnaina ka pyar. Love is within you - it runs in my caffeinated blood.
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